Comments for Build Tomorrow - Another Day Of Life » I am a Guest Blogger http://www.anotherdayoflife.com Build Tomorrow, Another Day at a time Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:14:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Comment on Complications of Family by Family Man http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-795 Family Man Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:51:46 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-795 Chad: It sounds like you have been through the ringer with the In-Laws. I would love to hear more about your story. Even how you all deal with it. We want our kids to have that relationship as well, but it can;t be at the expense of our parenting, and honsetly their continued bashing of my wife. Please contact me an tell me more I would love to know more about your story. In fact I would love to hear all of the stories. Chad:
It sounds like you have been through the ringer with the In-Laws. I would love to hear more about your story. Even how you all deal with it. We want our kids to have that relationship as well, but it can;t be at the expense of our parenting, and honsetly their continued bashing of my wife. Please contact me an tell me more I would love to know more about your story.

In fact I would love to hear all of the stories.

]]> Comment on Complications of Family by Chad http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-793 Chad Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:57:07 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-793 I went through this very same thing about 2 years ago. My MIL would claim over and over that she didn't wasn't controlling or manipulating and all she wanted was a good relationship with my family. Both my MIL and FIL could not control what they said to me and my family. They would get angry and say hurtful things over and over. Finally, both my wife and I laid down the law and said (verbally, in a letter, in email) that if they didn't change what they were doing, they would be cut off from our family. They either didn't care or didn't believe us because they kept doing the same things. So we cut them off. No phone calls, no outings, no visits, no dinners/lunches...nothing. We gave them a singe email address in which to contact us. We told them if they abused that, we would delete it as well. From when we "laid down the law" until now it's been about 2 years. Has it gotten better? I'd say yes and no. Yes from a sense that we aren't dealing with manipulation and drama all the time. No from the aspect of both my wife and I WANT a relationship with them...just not on their terms. We want it on our terms. We are our kids parents. We are responsible for raising our kids. We also feel it's our responsibility to decide who is in contact with our kids...whether it be to protect them or teach them something (our kids are still very young). If you'd like to hear more about my story...please leave a comment! There's TONS more! I went through this very same thing about 2 years ago. My MIL would claim over and over that she didn’t wasn’t controlling or manipulating and all she wanted was a good relationship with my family. Both my MIL and FIL could not control what they said to me and my family. They would get angry and say hurtful things over and over. Finally, both my wife and I laid down the law and said (verbally, in a letter, in email) that if they didn’t change what they were doing, they would be cut off from our family. They either didn’t care or didn’t believe us because they kept doing the same things. So we cut them off. No phone calls, no outings, no visits, no dinners/lunches…nothing. We gave them a singe email address in which to contact us. We told them if they abused that, we would delete it as well. From when we “laid down the law” until now it’s been about 2 years. Has it gotten better? I’d say yes and no. Yes from a sense that we aren’t dealing with manipulation and drama all the time. No from the aspect of both my wife and I WANT a relationship with them…just not on their terms. We want it on our terms. We are our kids parents. We are responsible for raising our kids. We also feel it’s our responsibility to decide who is in contact with our kids…whether it be to protect them or teach them something (our kids are still very young). If you’d like to hear more about my story…please leave a comment! There’s TONS more!

]]> Comment on I am a Guest Blogger by Dr. John http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/23/i-am-a-guest-blogger/#comment-792 Dr. John Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:47:57 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=330#comment-792 Thanks for the information. My daughter got behind on a credit card debt and ended up paying 31% interest. I couldn't believe it. On top of that they piled late fees. Something needs to be done. Thanks for the information. My daughter got behind on a credit card debt and ended up paying 31% interest. I couldn’t believe it. On top of that they piled late fees.
Something needs to be done.

]]> Comment on Complications of Family by Family Man http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-791 Family Man Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:09:37 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-791 You are all right. It is totally about control and manipulation. I am pretty much done with it. So far my wife and I agree that we need to be a united front. Even the kids, especially the older one sees the manipulation and is beginning to understand it. After some time we talked about sending them a letter with the ground rules. If they can follow them then maybe we will let them back in a bit. As long as my wife knows I have her back (her borthers wife does as well) than I think she will hold her ground. You are all right. It is totally about control and manipulation. I am pretty much done with it. So far my wife and I agree that we need to be a united front. Even the kids, especially the older one sees the manipulation and is beginning to understand it. After some time we talked about sending them a letter with the ground rules. If they can follow them then maybe we will let them back in a bit. As long as my wife knows I have her back (her borthers wife does as well) than I think she will hold her ground.

]]> Comment on Complications of Family by Jamie http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-790 Jamie Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:40:16 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-790 I have been there too. I agree with Eddie. The ball is in their court, not yours. They can respect your wishes, play by your rules, and be involved, or not! Seems like your mother-in-law's parting comment shows an effort to manipulate your kids' feelings about you. Doesn't really show her commitment to what's best for your kids! Stand your ground! Good luck! I have been there too.
I agree with Eddie. The ball is in their court, not yours. They can respect your wishes, play by your rules, and be involved, or not! Seems like your mother-in-law’s parting comment shows an effort to manipulate your kids’ feelings about you. Doesn’t really show her commitment to what’s best for your kids! Stand your ground! Good luck!

]]> Comment on Complications of Family by Eddie http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-789 Eddie Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:49:52 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-789 Ah! Looks like your wife had controlling parents growing up, and now they have morphed to controlling grandparents. You were right to speak up. Period. They are YOUR kids, YOUR wife, YOUR household: right or wrong, good or bad. The ball is now in their court. They must recognize their responsibilities (easier said than done), and they need to realize they can no longer extend their control and MANIPULATION to your wife, to you, or to the kids. been there, dealt with that.... Peace. Ah! Looks like your wife had controlling parents growing up, and now they have morphed to controlling grandparents.

You were right to speak up. Period.

They are YOUR kids, YOUR wife, YOUR household: right or wrong, good or bad.

The ball is now in their court. They must recognize their responsibilities (easier said than done), and they need to realize they can no longer extend their control and MANIPULATION to your wife, to you, or to the kids.

been there, dealt with that….

Peace.

]]> Comment on Complications of Family by Dr. John http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/2008/07/22/complications-of-family/#comment-788 Dr. John Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:24:58 +0000 http://www.anotherdayoflife.com/?p=327#comment-788 Grandparents can be a real problem. Betty and I were lucky because our parents were more than willing to help out but they did not meddle. My kids spent a couple of weeks every summer with each set of grandparents. When the do meddle you need to set some ground rules. When they live as close as your wife';s parents seem to those rules might include: 1. Only calling on certain nights. 2. Having the children visit for only so much time ( you set the days or weeks in a year) 3. All plans must be made through you and your wife. If the ground rules are clear the grandparents usually learn to work within them. You can teach and old dog new tricks. Grandparents can be a real problem. Betty and I were lucky because our parents were more than willing to help out but they did not meddle. My kids spent a couple of weeks every summer with each set of grandparents.
When the do meddle you need to set some ground rules. When they live as close as your wife’;s parents seem to those rules might include:
1. Only calling on certain nights.
2. Having the children visit for only so much time ( you set the days or weeks in a year)
3. All plans must be made through you and your wife.
If the ground rules are clear the grandparents usually learn to work within them. You can teach and old dog new tricks.

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