Build Tomorrow - Another Day Of Life

So here we are in the here and now, today.  You have now followed all of the stages of my fanacial life.

“In The Beginning”

“Addiction of Instant Gratification”

“Going Down to the Bottom”

“Redemption Part I”

“The Market Meltdown”

“A Life Complete”

“Falling”

Once my wife needed to stay home with the older child we began to struggle.  We found that many of the things we needed became almost luxuries.  We found that the loss of income hurt and with each small disaster came an even bigger debt.

That brings us to today.  It finally reached the point where if an emergency arose, we couldn’t handle it.  We are operating in the red each month, and never seeming like we are going to get above water.  Each time I look at the children I feel guilt.  Guilt over the legacy I am heading them into.

They say sometimes that you must hit the bottom in order to claw you way out.  I need to start clawing.

I need to do a lot.  The debt has taken its toll on me, my family, my marriage.  While the 70K is a dollar figure, it’s the non-monetary cost that is the most expensive.  I don’t want to pay that price anymore.  So I hope you continue to follow me, as I take the “Road to Today”, and use it to “Build Tomorrow”, for myself, and my family.

Who knows maybe I can help someone else.

~Another Day

So we have covered what my life was from childhood until my marriage (#2), in 2006.  You have heard the gory details.  I may have put you to sleep, maybe generated a small tear in your eye, and even made you roll your eyes.  So to recap, here are the areas of my life broken down into rather wordy entries.

“In The Beginning”

“Addiction of Instant Gratification”

“Going Down to the Bottom”

“Redemption Part I”

“The Market Meltdown”

“A Life Complete”

So I got married.  Life was good.  School was coming.  As it approached we noticed the 13 year old seemed to be obsessing over it.  He was beginning to repeatedly go over his schedule, the details, how many kids were there, exactly what time would he be picked up, and on and on.  Mind you this is July.  While we had known he was an introverted personality, we had no idea of the firestorm that was coming.  Even better with a change of ownership at my wife’s company, came all new leadership, including her position.  So she found herself on the job market.  Luckily she quickly landed a contract position through the end of the year.  We were going to be ok.

Then School started.  We both took the day off to revel in our children’s success at returning to school the younger child LOVED it.  He couldn’t stop talking about it.  Then came pickup time for the older one.  He lasted all of 2.2 seconds after getting in the car before he had a total and complete meltdown.  The tears didn’t stop for almost nine hours. Each day got worse.  Then the news came from the school.  Both had reading delays, and the older one severe.

As the weeks went by my wife was repeatedly called to retrieve the older child from school, as he had ended up in the counselor’s office having what were extensive panic attacks.  We began to meet with the schools about their reading and educational delays.  Both it was determined needed extensive “re-training”.  Translation private tutoring for the school year to the tune of $24,000.  Or $12,000 apiece for specialized tutoring.  That couldn’t be budgeted for, so in debt we went.  Then began the therapy and medication for the older child.

He was diagnosed with severe depression, OCD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Masked during his home-school years, and then exaggerated by puberty.  As the process began the meltdowns continued.  We finally after many battles everyone determined that the older child would be placed on home based instruction for the remainder of the school year.  It started out ok, but as the year went on the schedule got tougher.  When my wife’s contract ended in December of 2007 we found that there was no way for her to work, while managing the chaotic schedule of psychologists, psychiatrists, and meetups with teachers, and tutoring.  The hope was that she would return to work as soon as things settled down.  They didn’t.

By the time the school year ended we found ourselves $40,000 in debt.  It was not ideal but manageable.

Then the final straw came.  The boy’s father took my wife to court over the child support.  Basically if he was going to pay it he wanted to pay less.  He made it clear that if she fought him on money he would restart a custody fight.  Another $15,000 later, he agreed to allow an adoption.  While it wasn’t ideal it was the right thing for the children.

Then in June we found out we were expecting.  My wife went back to work, and we hoped for the best.

Then came the realization that our debt has reached 70K.

Tomorrow is the final chapter in the “Road to Today.”

~Another Day

“In The Beginning”

“Addiction of Instant Gratification”

“Going Down to the Bottom”

“Redemption Part I”

“The Market Meltdown”

In the spring of 2004 I found myself on my own once again.  My divorce split my debt, as well as my savings in half.  It was an amicable divorce.  Though I was devastated with the discovery of my soon to be ex-wives’ relationship with someone I considered a friend, making the process filled with animosity and anger, it was not going to help the situation at all.  I decided to let it go.

I found myself enjoying the single life.  I was home in the evenings and relieved to not have to try and make small talk with someone I had nothing in common with.  There were plenty of nights I found myself eating a dinner of cereal, because I wanted to.

Financially while there were effects of now being a one income household, I was not in the red, though I was not overrun with extra money.  I put the customary 10% in savings each month.  I paid my bills, and took my life one day at a time.

I never became a partier.  I never went back to my old ways.  I allowed myself the occasional wants, but generally concentrated on my needs.  I was content.

Then in 2005 a life changing event happened.  I met someone.  She was very different from my ex-wife.  We were almost exactly the same age, and talked for hours.  I heart we both had the same dreams, the same aspirations, and the same moral fiber.  The only sticking point was the fact that she had two children.

I was still in a place that made me unsure about dating a woman with children.  But the more time I spent with them the more I felt that something I had always felt was missing wasn’t missing anymore.  Time went on and we grew closer.  The situation was made easier by the fact that the boys father wasn’t in the picture.  They hadn’t seen him in a year, and neither was anxious to.  We began to do things together, and function as if we were a family.  She was successful at her job, and had a great head on her shoulders.

I was in love, deeper that ever before.

In February of 2006 I proposed.  We had both had our “big” wedding, and decided we would cap out wedding cost at $3,000.  The cash we had to spend.  Also in order to make sure it would work for the children we rented a house that we got an incredibly good deal on and moved in together.  In the moths prior to the wedding we saved for our honeymoon, which we paid cash for, and saved for a family vacation.

While we couldn’t pay cash up front, we utilized my timeshare as a trade keeping the lodging cost down.  Me being the ever diligent budgeter we were able to pay it off within 60 days, which was acceptable by my standards.

We were married in a small ceremony in July of 2006.  We had our family vacation, and readied ourselves for our new lives.  We decided that the children who had been home-schooled would return to the public schools, and life was good.

Then September came, and everything changed.

More Tomorrow.

~Another Day

We have covered the major stages of my life through the year 2001:

“In The Beginning”

“Addiction of Instant Gratification”

“Going Down to the Bottom”

“Redemption Part I”

Now we can cover the period I called the market meltdown.  I last told you that upon the return from my honeymoon in 2001, I had an urgent call from my boss.  When I called her back I was told that all of the management staff with the exception of me and two others, as well as 50% of the staff had been laid off.  This was do to the sudden Tech market downturn, and the loss of 40% of our network capacity with the events of 9/11.  I however was given a raise and a promise of bonus if I was willing to remain with my company through the market “hiccup”, while we redeployed, and reworked ourselves.

For many and most this is a scary proposition.  I however was not concerned.  Going back to my frugal ways since returning to Virginia, and amassing a large savings, and having a wife in the same field as I making the same money I was knew we could ride out any market hiccups.

The market as we all know wasn’t hiccupping, it was melting down.  My wife was laid off within the month, her company shutting its doors.  She was given a generous severance, and that would hold as her “pay” until she found new work.  An easy thought but not easy in practice.

I continued to work for my employer, now sometimes 12 and 13 hours a day.  We weren’t recovering we were redesigning.  Few of us knew what the real project was.  Preparing ourselves to be an attractive buyout.  In the late fall of 2001 the buyout offer came.  The only caveat was they only wanted our customers and facilities not our employees. I found myself laid off right before Thanksgiving. 

I was lucky.  My dedication paid off with a generous severance package.  With what my wife and I had saved, we could survive for about 9 months financially.  It would however take its toll on our marriage.

We continued to limp through the next few months.  After a few months my wife took a job in a new field for 50% of her pay.  She loved the job, hated the pay.  I took a consulting job for the same pay I had left, but quickly found I hated the work.  The contract ended in December of 2002.  By May our savings had dwindled to only a 3 month “cushion” Then I started work with a non-profit in 2003.  I am still with them today.  I love the people, and the job challenging.  We slowly began rebuilding our savings, and lived the “normal” life, not choosing to “keep up with the Joneses.”  Then in the spring of 2004 my life changed. 

While my wife and I were great friends and that was all.  We had grown apart, and were two strangers living under one roof.  We tried to meet our differences, and resolve the conflict, but finally realized, we were only friends, and no other feelings existed anymore.  I didn’t find out until later, she had developed feelings for a family friend (he was a divorcee).  With that realization, I realized the marriage was over.  I was on my own again.

More Soon…..

~Another Day

We have covered the major stages of my life through the year 1998:

“In The Beginning”

“Addiction of Instant Gratification”

“Going Down to the Bottom”

One commenter had said how sad this story was so far.  Years ago I would have commiserated with that comment, and felt sorry for myself.  My life has made me what I am.  The experiences, and hardships taught me many things; valuable lessons.  I appreciate those lessons.

In the spring of 1998, now broke, I moved back to the area of my boyhood home.  I temporarily moved in with my father.  I started looking for work.  Having a degree in business administration, I slowly began to get offers.  It was the Internet and Telecom Boom, and the area I had moved to was particularly moving due to our close proximity to the nation’s capitol. 

Finally I narrowed the offers down to 2.  A helpdesk position supporting software for the US Air Force or an analyst position with a start-up telecommunications company.  Loving the idea of a challenge I chose the start up.

I took to the work quickly.  I was responsible to review how phone lines were set up, and to figure out why they were not generating traffic. With a huge backlog, and me having a lot of time, I worked nights, weekends, and full time, generating as much overtime as I could.  I continued to pare down my “stuff”, getting rid of items I no longer needed.

With the overtime and the sales of my old life, I quickly reduced my debt by half in about 6 months.  I was feeling good.  I began my spreadsheet junky life budgeting and tracking every dime in and out. Within 9 months my car was paid off, and I had only 9,000 in debt remaining.

My consistent approach to my job had me winning awards, and quick promotions.  In less than a year I was running the group I had joined as an analyst.  With the promotion came more money, and with another part time job, I found myself out of debt in 18 months.  I began to save, and feel good about the world.

I began to date a co-worker, a few years older than I.  We got along and were the best of friends.  We continued to date, and got more and more serious.  Fall of 2000 we got engaged.  I had never been married, and she had been divorced for a few years.  We decided we would wait until the fall of 2001 to get married, so that I would have enough time to save money.  We traveled, and enjoyed life, paying cash for everything. 

In the spring of 2001, I was recruited to another company for double my income.  I cashed in my stock of the start-up, placing all of it in savings.  I bought a car, when my old one died, paying cash for about half, but financing the rest in order to repair my damaged credit.  I took the new job by storm, changing many of the processes and reducing the company order processing time by 50%.  Again I was promoted and ran 3 separate groups.

I was redeemed. On top of the world, and felt that nothing could stop me.  I was ready to get married, buy a home, and start a life of my own.  I had 30,000 in savings, and both my future wife and I worked in an industry that was booming.

September 11, 2001 changed all of that.  Most of my company’s northeast facilities were destroyed during the attacks, yet confident we would survive.  I was married on September 22, 2001.  We went on our honeymoon looking forward to our life together.  When we returned a week later, I had an urgent call from my boss.

My life was about to change again.

More soon…..

~Another Day